transit.mp3 - february 14, 2004 - review
walk.mp3 - december 17, 2003
seven hours ago.mp3 - january 28, 2004
marrying a lie to a truth.mp3 - january 17, 2004
a fix of sorts.mp3 - january 11, 2004
you're home.mp3 - december 18, 2003
yellow tape.mp3 - december 13, 2003
i will.mp3 (a radiohead cover) - december 06, 2003
nevada.mp3 - november 20, 2003
compromise.mp3 - december 15, 2002
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LYRICS

GUESTBOOK

3D ART PORTFOLIO

july 17, 2007 - updated the mix levels on the new song 'problem'. which i'm starting to not even like that much. it seems like this has been happening a lot in the past couple years. things sound like they're forced. i catch myself writing music with other people's opinions in mind. it's not a journal anymore, and it's become a chore lately.
and it's not like it's isolated. it's definitely connected to a bunch of things that have been happening in my life, that i'll elaborate on some time in the future. i recognize it. i just don't know how to resolve it yet.
i'm really tired of writing bad music. i feel like i'm spending too much time on production rather than creation. from now it's back to me and my guitar. nothing else. i don't give a shit what people say anymore. i miss those days of cranking out a song in less than 24 hours. cranking out songs that didn't get filtered through my insecurities of what other people think. i need to get back to that.

june 28, 2007 - it's only a problem, it's only a problem, it's only a problem, it's only a fucking problem.... this is what i try to tell myself, when things get bad. this is what the new song 'problem' is about. but i'm having a hard time convincing myself of it right now. great. this song just lost its relevance before it was even released. way to go, neil...
maybe i shouldn't even be posting here in the current state i'm in. i feel blinded by negativity, and my heart feels like it's about to explode. i'll try and make my next post about peaches and bunnies and kittens.

march 20, 2007 - finally! over a year after i submitted my song 'tragedy of a bullet' to OCRemix, it finally got approved by the judges panel. so hopefully this should add some much wanted traffic and exposure to my site. all you folks visiting from OCRemix; hiya! hope you enjoy my other music as well.

march 14, 2007 - ok, i updated the latest song. it's now called 'breathe 2 (palindrome),' for obvious reasons.

march 07, 2007 - wow, it's been a long time! almost half a year since i updated anything here. and it's been a rough 6 months, creatively speaking. any attempts in making music wouldn't get past my lack of self-confidence to even pick up my guitar. i was really afraid that i lost it. lost the ability to bring out through music, the emotional shit that tends to build inside me. because i sure as hell can't express myself any other way, like a normal human being.
but something happened this past monday. i don't know from where, but i just felt a surge run through me. something that just removed every needless, unnecessary, trivial obstacle from my path, and gave me no option but to sing my fucking heart out. and 'breathe 2' is what i came up with...

august 25, 2006 - it's 9:35 at night right now. about 4 hours ago, i found out that my apartment was broken into. my laptop was stolen(which had a couple songs i was working on). $150 in cash that i was saving was stolen. and it looks like a trainwreck in here. clothes thrown around, books on the floor, cabinet doors half open...
i called the cops 3 hours ago, and they're still not here. well, i'm glad i didn't have a knife through my gut, or i'd be dead and rotten by the time the fucking pigs get here. but god forbid your parking meter runs out. then the police are on the scene in seconds to give you a ticket.
coming back into my apartment, it doesn't feel like home anymore. it's so alien in here, it's scary. i can't describe the violation and the vulnerability i feel being here now.
the illusion of safety. why exactly am i calling the police? is it so that they could go on a city wide manhunt for some scrawny kid's measly belongings? or is it just to file a report that goes on record in an age when society lives and breathes statistics, polls, numbers, percentage?
...whatever. i still don't have any music for you guys. sorry.

[UPDATE] in an effort to not dwell on the past but rather move on, i just finished redoing the vocals of the song '7 hours ago' (i guess technically, that's dwelling on the past). it's something i've been meaning to do for a long time.

june 19, 2006 - after 9 months of doing god knows what, i've finally completed 'breathe'. it was to be a birthday gift for my partner (her birthday was in february!), but the production process was riddled with some pretty big mental, emotional, and physical obstacles. but whatever, here it is.
and to be quite honest, i'm glad it's over with. it's been the source of quite a bit of stress, and i feel like it's a big factor behind my musical sterility of late.
sergey panov once again joins me with his incredible violin-playing. seriously, this kid is one to watch out for; he's going to make it far. if anyone wants to contact him -for your own collaborations, or to just say 'hi'- email me.

may 30, 2006 - here's something i wrote last october. it's about the woman i love. it's about how she's helped me stand when i couldn't stand on my own. this was intended as merely a transition into the final version of the song (which is about 80% done (which i haven't worked on for over two months now)), but since i've been quite un-musical lately, i figured i'd put this out. it's called 'breathe'.
seriously, i have a couple other songs in my head. i just seem to have trouble getting them out. in due time, i suppose.

march 31, 2006 - i'm in a bad place, mentally, emotionally. i want to continue writing music, because it helps me balance out to a degree, but i don't know if i have it in me to even express anymore. any original music i do from here on out is going to be a fucking miracle, because i'm getting drained with every passing day.
for a second i hesitated to reveal myself here, seeing as how visible this site has become (not to toot my own horn or anything). but above all else, this space is my haven to vent. the concept of privacy doesn't apply here, because the emotions i feel are no different than anybody else's. which makes it even more senseless to be secretive about them. i have nothing to hide. but it's also getting more and more obvious that i have nothing to give either. . .

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all content on this site is mine. mine! © Neil Benjamin, 2006. download it if you want, give it to all your friends, burn it on cd's and mail it to random people, crank it up on your stereos and annoy your senile neighbors, put it on your answering machines, use it as ringtones for your cell phones, just please make sure to give me credit for it, when appropriate. thank you. one more thing; the background design elements were scanned in from other sources, so don't sue me.